Corrected version

Group 1: Dri, Savorgnan, Schiff, Tonelli

MAD L♥VE

by Can 

I’ll never forget that day…

It was a cloudy day of April. A soft breeze was blowing my hair, while I was on board of my yacht. The waves were crashing to the hull. When the wind started rising, I decided to dock my boat, fearing a storm.

At the pier I met a seaman, who advised me not to leave that day because it was going to rain and showed me how to get to the village’s centre.

Walking, I went past a library, where a huge crowd was standing up after a meeting; I continued on my way.

Suddenly a thunder broke the stillness and started to rain, as I had thought. Since I had nothing to repair myself, I decided to take refuge into a cinema. “Bad King” was on.I entered it and I went to the ticket office. Besides me there was only another person. She was wearing a long, ochre coat with brown and yellow oriental embroidery. Her arms were embellished with rings and bracelets. Her style was particular, ethnical, as mine.  She fixed up her hair, wet because of the rain. An exciting and unforgettable fragrance overwhelmed me. It was strong-smelling, sweet, intense, pleasant and reminded me of the moments spent with her. I immediately recognized her. Sanem. She was standing there, in front of me. I crystalized. I bought the ticket and entered the room. I sat behind her, so she couldn’t see me. It was dark, like my thoughts. I tried to concentrate on the film, but my eyes kept falling on her. Whenever I saw her laughing, I remembered every smile we shared and I felt happier; instead, when she started crying, I felt bad for all the things I had done to her. At some point, I felt overcome with emotions and I left the cinema. I left Sanem again.

The next day, I was ready to leave. I was raising the ladder when someone knocked it with a walking stick. She was my aunt Remide. I was surprised. She asked me where I was going and told me we had to talk. I invited her on the yacht and offered her a cup of Turkish tea. She explained me what happened after my departure. She told me about my work, my family, my friends and, at the end, about Sanem. I discovered she went to a psychiatric hospital, because my absence had shocked her and she had fallen in depression. I kept quiet, while she was talking. Now, Sanem was living in that village in her own house with a friend, who took care of her and helped her to forget the bad memories. Aunt Remide added that Sanem had finally published her novel and gave me a present, wrapped up in a red paper. Afterwards, she hugged me and left me alone, absorbed in my thoughts.

I decided not to leave immediately, because I didn’t want Sanem to be abandoned again.

Therefore, I had to find a place to buy something to eat and drink, because my resources were finished. I was strolling through the streets of the village, when I met a girl. She recognised me, but I didn’t know who she was. She introduced herself: her name was Nazli. She was a friend of Sanem and she had recognised me because of the photos Sanem had showed to her. The girl was slim, short with long, red, straight hair, that stood out her pale face. She was wearing a purple, decorated, stylish dress (different from Sanem’s new style). Nazli asked me to talk for a while and I nodded. She told me Sanem had phoned her that morning, because the girl had seen me at the cinema. She said that Sanem had suffered a lot, so she advised me to forget her and go away for her sake. My presence would have been a disaster. I was speechless and annoyed. I knew to had done too much mistakes, but now I was there and I wanted to meet Sanem and talk with her.

I passed all night on my yacht, lulled by the waves, swallowed into the dark-blue sea. When I came back on the jetty, I saw the present in front of me on the seat, lying right where I left it, still closed.

I knew what it was, so I was doubtful whether opening it or not. The weight of my conscience exhausted me.  My heart was screaming, shouting me to open it, but I didn't know if I was ready to take that hit.

At the end, my guilt forced me to open the gift. It was a book, maybe a novel. The cover was blue and there were two birds. I read the title: The Phoenix and the Albatross and the novelist’s name: Sanem Aydin. I understood it was telling about me, because she used to call me the Albatross, so I supposed she was the Phoenix. The two birds came out of a big sun.

Albatrosses are white, large seabirds and they are among the most spectacular gliders of all birds, able to stay aloft in windy weather for hours without ever flapping their extremely long, narrow wings. According to the myth, instead, the Phoenix is a fabulous bird associated with the worship of the sun, as large as an eagle, with brilliant scarlet and gold plumage. Ancient folks used to associate the Phoenix with immortality, resurrection and life after death.

I was very curious to understand better the role of the two protagonists.

Therefore, I checked the back of the novel to read the plot. Then, I turned the book upside down. I skipped all the introduction and I read the inscription. It was written: “…he left me burned pages with broken dreams…”.

I would have liked keeping the read, but I couldn't handle the heartache that those words had caused me. My eyes glistened. In such a short time all my mistakes, my decisions, my words, my actions, my guilt and my memories came back all together, creating the worst pain a human being could ever experience.

I put the novel on the seat and I moved away from it, as if the distance between the object and me could remove all what was haunting me.

The wind blew away the paper, but I was too distracted to worry about it. I remained absolutely still, looking at the sky and the sea, they both were dark as my mind and my heart. I tried to block out the memory of that night.

The next morning, while I was docking the yacht at the pier, I saw something strange into the seawater. I checked and I found a little plastic bottle with a note. I opened it and I read the message. It was written the same sentence I had read the night before: “…he left me burned pages with broken dreams…”. Afterwards, I went to the village to ask for information about Sanem’s home address.

While I was returning to the yacht, I saw a girl, sat on the pier, alone. She conveyed me a sense of solitude, melancholy and sadness. There was no noise, only the waves’ sound. I moved forward her and I recognise her: she was Sanem.  She was wearing a long, red skirt, a black top and lots of ethnical jewellery. I slowed down the pas and then I stopped, because I was worried about her. She seemed crystallized, powerless and defenceless in front of the huge nature surrounding her. I saw her in a distance. She was quivering, as a mental ill girl. Immediately after, Sanem turned toward me. Our gazes crossed for a while, so I took courage and I moved close to her, but she stood up quickly and ran away, walking like a robot. I expected Sanem to get away from me, but not in that way, as if I were her worst enemy/memory. She didn’t even look at my face. She was avoiding me and I wasn’t understanding what was happening. Instinctively, I called her name, but she seemed not to ear or rather it sounds as if she didn’t want to listen to me. Therefore, I recalled her name loudly and she turned towards me slowly with two big scared eyes. She was seeing me as if I were a danger, something menacing. Suddenly, Sanem’s expression changed: she looked confused and perplexed about my presence. We had inquisitive looks, but nobody had the courage to speak. I lent my hand to her and I touched her wrist. Her heart was beating fast. She hesitated and moved back. Afterwards, she asked me why I had come there and she insisted with those questions. I didn’t know where to start, so I kept silent. She became annoyed and went away. I wondered to talk with her, but I didn’t know how to behave. When I saw Sanem, I felt guilty and a lump in the throat forbidden me from speaking.

In the evening I thought a lot and I decided to visit Sanem. I was resolute to talk to her. I wanted to solve the mistakes I had done, after all we would have been able to get on well together, as in the past. I went to Sanem’s home that night while she was out, in the garden, preparing her fragrance and crushing some flowers in a pestle. She was wearing a white dress, which stood out against the dark colours surrounding her. All the table, where she was working, was scattered of flowers and scented candles. I appeared behind her and called her name. Suddenly she froze. I was surprised by her unmoving, and my self-assurance fell: why did not she react? why was speaking so difficult for us?

Immediately after, she continued working, as if she didn’t mind my presence.

I moved close to her and I asked if I could take her perfume sample and after a few seconds, she nodded. I took it slowly, because I expected her reaction. I focused my attention on her: I noticed some birds embroidered on her dress. They reminded me Albatrosses, which have only one partner during all their life. In that moment, I understood she was my “one” and I asked her shyly: “How did we get to this situation?”

She started crushing flowers with more energy, then coldly and annoyed she answered: “I don’t know… but it’s all your fault!!!”

I realized she didn’t feel my same emotions. The atmosphere became tense and unpleasant. Therefore, I said goodbye and I went away regretful.

I got in my yacht, turned on the engine and I weighed anchor. I knew what I was doing; I knew what leaving the village meant; I knew I would have lost Sanem once for all.

But I didn't want to stop and, as I used to do, I lent my mind free control over my choices, so that no irrational thought could have stopped me from doing what was right.

That's right, I didn't think I was doing a wrong thing going away from that place: we both didn't care about each other and the words, we had shared a few minutes before, had confirmed it. The best thing for both of us was to stay separated.

I put a hand into my pocked and once again I found her foulard there, impregnated of her perfume. The scent reminded me of all the happiest and the most dramatic moments of my life, all the time I spent with her, all the smiles and the tears we shared, all the memories and all the most important things I had in the world. I took a deep breath, to remember, but at the same time to leave behind all the things Sanem meant for me.

I sat and in front of me I saw her novel, laying under the yacht's wheel, as if it was waiting for me and trying to hold me back from my choice. I decided to open it, with the intent to read something and to let all the past there, in that place. I opened a page at random, but as soon as I started reading, I heard Sanem's voice, as if she was there with me, reading the novel loudly and repeating the same words she used to say when we were together.

In that moment, I understood I didn't want to run away from my past, I didn't want to escape my problems, but most of all I didn't want to get away from Sanem again. She was too important for my life, maybe the most one, and I could have never left her, not now that I had just met her again. Therefore, for the very first time in my life, I left my feelings take control of my body and I made the crazy choice: I went below deck and I took a fuse off the engine. The yacht stuck in the sea and I threw the fuse in the sea. I still don't know the reason of that action, because I wasn’t sure about my future.

Now, I am here, in the middle of the sea, undecided between love and freedom. The crashing waves, the feeling of danger, that beautiful feeling of danger, of being able to be dragged away at any moment…