Corrected version and title_Group 4                                   

WHERE YOU’LL BE, I’LL BE THERE TOO

This afternoon the sky seems different, it’s like a fresh and blue canvas that spread over my head. The sun is very bright too, with some clouds. However, I don’t understand where this wind is coming from..

I’m ready for the first presentation of my novel, I’m excited but nervous at the same time; I’m afraid of people’s judgment.

The audience has arrived, so I start reading a part of the novel dear to me, where I explain the myth of the Phoenix and the Albatross to refer to two important concepts representing a significant part of my life.

The Albatross, in addition to being a bird with large wings, it always travels in a couple and to me it stands for an important male figure.

The Phoenix represent myself indeed as the bird was able to be reborn from its ashes of emerald I am disparately trying to come out after my long dark period, so I would really like I was able to do what the animal did.

My voice is broken by tears, I have nostalgia and melancholy for the past lived with Can, then I feel transported into an imaginary reality because of the deep feeling I still have for him.

While I’m reading a page I remember the evening when Can and I were having dinner with our friends, Alper and Arzu. Ahh, those were wonderful moments!

We were very happy and cheerful, we loved each other and our relationship was going on really well.

Suddenly Higit takes me back to real life and the audience starts to ask me some questions so I understand that my novel is appreciated.

Oh my god, it’s Can over there?! No, that’s just my imagination...

Instinctively I close the page and I shift my attention to the ring Can had given me.

Even I am sorrounded by many people, I have an emptiness inside me that devours myself, I can’t breathe anymore, I have loneliness in my heart.

I don’t want to go on reading, I prefer going for a walk and stay on my own to reflect.

Later the sky becomes grey like my feelings and I hear a thunder.

I start to walk through the village streets when it starts to rain and I don’t have an umbrella so I choose to go to a cinema to see ‘ The Bad King’.

The movie is stunning and represent perfectly my last relationship. It conveys me melancholy and solitude but also passion and a sense of liberation.

I’m full immersed in my thoughts when I hear a noise, I immediately turn around and I see a familiar face, is he Can?!

Oh my goodness, I feel panicked and powerless so I go outside to take a breath, I need a honest advice indeed I decide to call my friend Merve, to whom I tell what just happened.

While I’m speaking I find a reassuring tone in her voice because she tells me to see the positive aspects not the negative ones.

After that I describe her how much Can changed in the physical appearance.

I’m on the one side afraid and on the other I think that things can be fixed between Can and me.

In the evening I decide to go to the harbor and sit on the pier in order to think about myself. Compered with the immensity of the sea I feel tiny like an insect and the solitude takes me over.

I don’t feel very well so I take a pill, the last one.

What can I do to express my pain?

Okey, I have it!

I can write something, maybe a secret, maybe a desire.

I take my pen, my sheet of paper and I write a thought which I would like to tell to Can but I have never had the courage to say.

My hand moves fast and keeps writing, line after line the page fills up. Each letter is a shot that hits the center of my chest and then smashes everything it meets.

I put it into my bottle and I through it in the sea.

Will I feel better now? I don’t know...

The day after I return to the pier but the gesture I did doesn’t change my feelings. I feel sad, confused and lonely, the only thing that relax me is the sound of the waves.

I see Can walking towards me. He is very self confident instead I am very rigid and my body quivers. I can’t control it and I feel crystallize. I stand up instinctively and I escape away from Can.

Suddenly he calls me but I want to avoid him because I don’t want to listen.

However he continues to call me for three times so then I stop and turn slowly as if my body doesn't have the energy to do it. After he gets closer and moves his hand to me. On the one hand I would run away but on the other hand I would like to stay here to listen on what he wants to tell me and the reasons why he left me alone.

I address to him and ask why he came here. But he doesn’t answer to my questions so I go away.

I return to my home which I find like a shelter where I can escape from reality.

What can I do to distract myself? I think that the best thing is do what makes me happy.

I’m in my perfume’s laboratory when I hear Can’s voice. For another time I feel confused and paralyzed; I’m also very angry and I reverse my energy to the pestel.

I understand that he looks for another physical contact but I remains indifferent, after has asked me, he takes a ‘’bottle’’ of one on my favorite fragrance.

I can’t talk to him, I’m already very mad!

There are no words left in me so he resigned go away. I‘m very full of thoughts and also a little bit sorry for my behavior . It is my fault if he escaped, now the only thing I can do is to chase him to set things right. I run as fast as I can but it is too late . I see Can in the distance leaving the pier with his boat . I’m destroyed and devastated I lost him another time.

What can I do now ? Fortunately remains me his ring, I can even smell him.

And yet, despite everything, we can be so far together.

Oh, if he only knew how I really feel...