YOUTHS WITHOUT A CAUSE My father's offices are in Century City. I wait around for him in the large, expensively furnished^1 reception room and hang out^2 with the secretaries, flirting with this really pretty blond one. It doesn't bother me that my father leaves me waiting there for thirty minutes while he’s in some meeting and then asks me why I'm late.. I don't really want to go out to lunch today, would rather be at the beach or sleeping or out by the pool,^3but I'm pretty^4 nice and I smile and nod^5 a lot and I pretend to listen to all his questions about college^6 and I answer them pretty sincerely. [...] It also doesn't really make me" angry that at lunch my father talks to a lot of businessmen, people he deals with' in the film industry, who stop by our table and that I'm introduced only as "my son" and the businessmen all begin to look the same and I begin to wish that I had brought the rest of the coke.^8My father looks pretty healthy if you don't look at him for too long. He’s completely tan^9 and has had a hair transplant in Palm Springs, two weeks ago, and he has pretty much a full head of blondish hair. He also has had his face lifted.^10		YOUTHS WITHOUT A CAUSE I’d gone to see him al Cedars-Sinai when he had it done and I remember seeing his face covered with bandages and how he would keep touching them lightly. "Why aren't you having the usual?" I ask, actually interested, after we order. He smiles, showing off the caps.^1 "Nutritionist won't allow it." "Oh." "How is your mother?" he asks calmly. "She's fine." "Is she really feeling fine?" "Yes, she's really feeling fine." I'm temped, for a moment, to tell him about the Ferrari^2 parked in the driveway. "Are you sure?" "There's nothing to worry about." "That's good." He pauses. "Is she still seeing that Dr. Crain?" "Uh-huh." "That's good." There's a pause. Another businessman stops by, then leaves. "Well, Clay, what do you want for Christmas?" "Nothing," I say after a while. "Do you want your subscription^3 to Variety renewed?" "It already is." Another pause. "Do you need money?" "No," I tell him, knowing that he'll slip^4 me some later on,
1. furnished; arredata 2.hang out: spent my time 3.pool: swimming-poo] 4.pretty: (sl) rather 5.nod: made quick motions of my head college: university	7. deals with: has to do with, makes business with 8. coke: cocaine 9. tan: abbronzatura 10. lifted: operated in order to eliminate age wrinkles	1. caps: dental appliances on the front teeth to cover up irregularities of length or decay 2.Ferrari: a new car Clay has		seen in his mother’s driveway, suggesting a new love relationship 3. subscription: abbonamento 4. slip: give secretely
YOUTHS WLTHOUT A CAUSE outside Ma Maison maybe, or on the way back to his office. "You look thin," he says. "Hmmm." "It's the drugs," I mumble.^1 "I didn't quite hear that." I look at him and say, "I’ve gained^2 five pounds since I've been back home." "Oh," he says, and pours himself a glass of white wine. Some other business guy^3 drops by.^4 After he leaves, my father turns to me and asks. "Do you want to go to Palm Springs for Christmas?" It's Christmas morning and I’m high on coke,^5 and one of my sisters has given me this pretty expensive leather-bound^6 datebook,^7 the pages are big and white and the dates elegantly printed on top of them, in gold and silvered lettering.^8 I thank her and kiss her and all that and she smiles and pours herself another glass of champagne. [..] My mother watches us, sitting on the edge of the couch^9 in the living room, sipping^10 champagne. My sisters open their gifts casually, indifferent. My father looks neat and hard and is writing out checks^11 for my sisters and me and I wonder why he couldn't have written them out before, but I forget about it and look out the window; at the hot wind blowing through the yard.^12 The water in the pool ripples.^13		YOUTHS WLTHOUT A CAUSE Before I leave 1 meet Blair for lunch. She's sitting on the terrace of The Old World on Sunset waiting for me. She's waiting sunglasses and sipping a glass of white wine she probably got with her fake^11.D. [...] She doesn't sec me as 1 come up behind her and kiss her on the cheek. She smiles and turns around and lowers^2 her sunglasses and she smells like wine and lipstick and perfume and I sit down and leaf through^3 the menu. I pull the menu down and watch the cars pass by, starting to think that maybe this is a mistake. "I'm surprised you came," she says. "Why? I told you I was going to come." "Yes, you did," she murmurs. "Where have you been?" "1 had an early lunch with my father"." "That must have been nice." I wonder if she's being sarcastic. "Yeah," 1 say, unsure. I light a cigarette. "What else have you been doing?" '"Why?" "Come on, don't get so pissed off.^11 only want to talk." "So talk." I squint^5 as smoke from the cigarette floats^6 into my eyes. "Listen." She sips her wine. "Tell me about your week-end." I sigh,^7 actually surprised that I don't remember too much of what happened. "I don't remember. Nothing." "Oh." I pick up the menu again and then put it down without opening it.
1. mumble: murmur 2.gained: pull on, acquired 3.guy: American for «Rum», «fellow» 4.drops by: siops by 5.I’m high on coke: I've had a lot of cocaine, I'm under its effect 6.leather-bound	rilegalo in pelle 7. datebook: a book in which one keeps note of dates 8. lettering: letters 9. couch divano 10. sipping: sorseggiando 11. checks: assegni 12. yard: cortile 13. ripples: si increspa	1. fake: false 2.lowers: abbassa 3.leaf |li:f] through: sfoglio 4.pissed off: (sl) angry, enraged			5.squint: strizzo gli occhi 6.floats: moves slowly and lightly 7.sigh: sospiro
YOUTHS WLTHOUT A CAUSE "So, you're actually going back to school," she says. "I guess so. There's nothing here." "Did you expect to find something?" "I don't know. I've been here a long time." Like I've been here forever. I quietly kick my foot against^1 the terrace railing^2 and ignore her. It is a mistake. Suddenly she looks at me and takes off her Wayfarers. "Clay, did you ever love me?" I'm studying a billboard^3 and say that I didn't hear what she said. "I asked if you ever loved me?" On the terrace the sun bursts^4 into my eyes and for one blinding^5 moment I see myself clearly. I remember the first time we made love, in the house in Palm Springs, her body tan and wet, lying against cool, white sheets. "Don't do this, Blair, " I tell her. "Just tell me." I don't say anything. "Is it such a hard question to answer?" I look at her straight on.^6 "Yes or no?" “Why?” "Damnit,^7 Clay," she sighs. "Yeah, sure, I guess." "Don't lie to me." "What in the fuck^8 do you want to hear?"		YOUTHS WLTHOUT A CAUSE "Just tell me," she says, her voice rising. "No," I almost shout. "I never did." I almost start to laugh. She draws in a breath and says, "Thank you. That's all I wanted to know." She sips her wine. "Did you ever love me?" I ask her back, though by now I can't even care.^1 She pauses. "I thought about it and yeah, I did once. I mean I really did. Everything was all right for a while.^2 You were kind." She looks down and then goes on. "But it was like you weren’t there. Oh shit, this isn't going to make any sense." She stops. I look at her, waiting for her to go on, looking up at the billboard. Disappear Here. "I don't know if any other person I've been with has been really there, either... but at least they tried." I finger^3 the menu; put my cigarette out. "You never did. Other people made an effort and you just... It was just beyond you." She takes another sip of her wine. "You were never there. I felt sorry for you for a little while, but then I found it hard to. You're a beautiful boy, Clay, but that's about it." I watch the cars pass by on Sunset. "It's hard to feel sorry for someone who doesn't care." "Yeah?" I ask. "What do you care about? What makes you happy?" "Nothing. Nothing makes me happy. I like nothing," I tell her. "Did you ever care about me, Clay?" I don't say anything, look back at the menu. "Did you ever care about me?" she asks again.
1. kick my foot against: prendo a calci 2. railing l'reilin]: ringhiera 3. billboard: board for advertising posters 4. bursts: hits violently,	explodcs 5.blinding: accecante 6.straight on: directiy 7.damnit ['daemit): (sì) al diavolo in the fuck: (si) diavolo	1. care: be interested, involved in it	2. a while: a certain period 3. finger: touch
"I don't want to care. If I care about things, it'll just be worse, it'll just be another thing to worry about. It's less painful if I don't care." "I cared about you for a little while." I don't say anything. She takes off her sunglasses and finally says, "I’ll see you later, Clay." She gets up. "Where are you going?" I suddenly don't want to leave Blair here. I almost want to take her back with me. "Have to meet someone for lunch." "But what about us?" "What about us?" She stands there for a moment, waiting. I keep staring at the billboard until it begins to blur^1 and when my vision becomes clearer I watch as Blair's car glides^2 out of the parking lot^3 and becomes lost in the haze^4 of traffic on Sunset. The waiter comes over and asks, "Is everything okay, sir?" I look up and put on my sunglasses and try to smile. There was a song I heard when I was in Los Angeles by a local group. The song was called "Los Angeles" and the words and images were so harsh^5 and bitter that the song would reverberate in my mind for days. The images, I later found out, were personal and no one I knew shared^6them. The images I had were of people being driven^7 mad by living in the city. Images of parents who were so hungry and unfulfilled^8 that they ate their own children.
1. blur: lose the clearness of its contours 2. glides: moves swiftly/ scivola 3. parking lot: parking area 4.haze: light mist	5. harsh: hard 6. shared: condivideva 7. driven: made 8. unfulfilled: dissatisfied, disappointed, empty