PIERO CAVALLARI  cl. 4 A                                                                                                                 A.S.2011/2012

DRAFTING AND REDRAFTING

PASSA LA NAVE MIA COLMA D'OBLIO

As I note the sonnet bears the same title of its first line I can understand it is part of a collection. It consists of 14 lines. In Petrarch's sonnet the reader can recognize the typical structure of Italian sonnet (8+6).

The first octave has the function to express the speaking voice's problem. It creates a comparison between the speaker's life and a ship travelling in tormented seas at midnight. The skipper is deeply worried by private thoughts that are so sad that he seems not to care even of the terrible weather conditions. He suffers for his desires and hopes.

The sestet follows the octave and the speaker's sad mood is repeated, indeed he weeps and suffers for his state while the condition of the weather puts his voyage at risk. In the ending tercet the speaking voice seems unable to use reason and even worse to be able to reach the harbour.

His life is not so easy, actually it unveils difficulties, problems, pains and sufferings. All these overwhelm the speaker's feelings.

The sonnet develops a tied and strong analogy between two semantic stets: life and voyage. The use of personification is the key to understand the real meaning of the text beyond its surface.

Nave mia colma d'oblio is a perfect example: indeed a ship can't sink into oblivion and despair and the possessive mia suggests not the idea of material possession, instead it conveys a reference to Petrarch's speaking voice. The speaker can't dominate his pains.

Nimico mio introduces a new element, actually a new character: he is the skipper who governs the ship, but if the ship indicates in the comparison the man who is suffering for his difficult life, the skipper is somebody who has power on the poet's problems. Indeed the poet is dominated (governed) by his lady's will, she's unreachable and makes him suffer for this impossible and unrequited love.

The lady dominates his feelings and he can't stop thinking about her.

It's possible to note a sort of plaintive sound, that underlines the speaking voice's intimate torment, in nave m-ia. Even the references to weather conditions make it clear that the sailing is not a simple progress but it is made difficult by the winter and dark season that involves the speaker has to protect himself by the uncomfortable situation: the poet is taken by a inner conflict caused by contrasting feelings for his lady. In addition the reference to Scilla and Cariddi, two Dante's hell monsters, underlines the condition of fear the poet is to face: he is unable to face his deep contrast because he's in love with the woman who refuses him.

It seems the problem has no solution and this is a typical theme of a Petrarch's sonnet.

WHERE ARE MY MISTAKES?

The skipper is deeply worried by private thoughts that are so sad that he seems not to care even and he doesn't care of the terrible weather conditions.

In the ending tercet the speaking voice seems unable to use reason and even worse to be able to reach the harbour.  (à useless repetition)

The use of personification is the key to understand the real meaning of the text beyond its surface.

•·         The syntax and linguistic choices overload the meaning and makes the sentence "slower" in reading.

 ...to reach the harbour.

His life is not so easy, actually...

•·         There isn't a real link between these two paragraphs! This passage in the text seems a sort of stream of consciousness writing. "Why the skipper's mind is so in fuss?": this could have been a better choice to follow the logic of the text.

...to Petrarch's speaking voice. The speaker can't dominate his pains.

•·         Another missing link. The function of this sentence in the economy of the period isn't clear. It seems it has been written there by chance. I'd now write:"In Nave mia colma d'oblio the intelligent reader understands the poet can't dominate his pains."

[The personification is the key to understand the real meaning of the text].

[Nave mia colma d'oblio is a perfect example]: [indeed a ship...]

•·         PUNCTUATION! It has a basic importance for the effectiveness of a text because suggests the reader the functions each phrase has in each paragraph.

•è    [...] : [...] , [...]

Even the references to weather conditions make it clear that the sailing is not a simple progress but it is made difficult by the winter and dark season that involves the speaker has to protect himself by the uncomfortable situation:...

•·         The period is too long and makes more complicated to understand the meaning.

•è    ... dark season. Bad weather conditions involve ...

It seems the problem has no solution and this is a typical theme of a Petrarch's sonnet.

•·        The conclusion is too quick and surface. Instead of just mentioning the "typical theme", even without giving any other information about it, I'd choose to omit this final sentence.